Guarding Your Mouth Is Guarding Your Heart, Too

Whether we admit it or not, I’m pretty sure each of us had our own funny, embarrassing and throbbing experience of speaking out of turn. Talking during an inappropriate time to emphasize a point, calling out on someone the moment they do wrong, or even saying things that should not have been said in the first place – yup, been there, done that!

There is just this intensified urge of expressing our side of things, that we, sometimes, fail to control. As it takes us over, we begin throwing harsh words here and there, giving truth slaps to anybody within a few seconds. Crazy, right? It just doesn’t feel good to keep it all in, and so, we let it out.

There might have been cases in which our actions fill us with guilt and regret too. But besides overly thinking that we could have sounded a bit rude, have you ever thought about how people would absorb and process what they heard? Have you pondered upon the weight of the impact our standpoints could have brought them? Have you considered the time it would probably take them to heal and eventually understand?

People who are frank have influenced me a lot and helped me become the person I am today. But that is only because I choose to value the act of responding over reacting. When things aren’t going well, stand up, expose the truth, and correct what is wrong. However, we have to be reminded that there are a few valuable factors to assess before directly translating your thoughts into words. Personally, here are five steps we must not disregard when guarding our mouth:

1. Be mindful.

Above all things, be fully aware of the connection between the situation and the variables involved; may it be another person, coping mechanism, possible manipulation, etc. See the bigger picture, and always try observing from different angles. This may have been said a million times over, but it remains one of the most essential things to do when faced with provoking conversations. Being narrow-minded during an exchange of thoughts could not only produce shallow results but also inflict wounds of self-pity and self-entitlement.

Do not set aside the relation of events and focus mainly on the climax of a scenario; do not let yourself be overwhelmed by what’s currently going on. Instead, make it a habit to suspend a quick judgment based on what is only seen and heard. Acknowledge the existence of variables underneath the surface. Before speaking up, let everything that surrounds you be linked together through analysis and comprehension.

2. Set your intentions straight.

Words are powerful tools that can either be used as a weapon or a cure. And without the right motives, one is capable of destroying someone else’s outlook in life. Know that speaking harshly may have a lot of underlying effects on the other person that we do not know of. This is why we have to be certain of the things we aim to accomplish; whether we pull it off or not. Having sincere and pure motives produces a ray of hope in fulfilling the purpose.

Human actions are heavily anchored on personal desires and intent. For that reason, before uttering a word, there is a need to check our objectives, limits, and driving force. Always pursue what is for the good of everyone involved, and let your tongue be a fountain of discovery and growth.

3. Plan your approach.

Besides evaluating your intentions, one should also know when to act and how to deliver accordingly; because most of the time, we may have had the greatest objectives but still fall short in making it happen. Each of us has our own set of values and principles, which should not remain only as thoughts and ideals. We have to move and live by them, as we are defined by the manner we put all these beliefs into action.

Your tone, usage of words, and choice of messaging channels must be leveled with the people you are speaking to avoid conflict and misunderstanding. One person may comprehend well through art and poetry, the other through small acts of truth reveals, and another through metaphors and analogy. Notice that talking to different individuals requires different communicative styles and approaches. After all, the ultimate goal is to discuss and create open paths, not to argue and build thicker walls.

4. Blend logic and emotion.

I know how popular the idea of ‘following your head over your heart’ is, but I guess I might have to disagree a little. In making life decisions, be free to consider all possible rationale, but be sensitive to how feelings work as well. Guide your response with logic and reasoning, but never forget the importance of emotional literacy. It may take a couple of experiences, but I know you’ll get the formula! Balancing both the insights from the heart and the mind makes a person wise.

5. Respond with humility.

Lastly, do not be overly reactive and self-seeking. In all you do, heave a deep sigh, and take the ideas and emotions of others into consideration. Your viewpoint might not be wrong, but it does not give you the authority to belittle another person who has a different insight. Reduce the tension by humbling yourself first, then later on expressing your stance.

Try fitting in the shoes of other people too–feel what they would feel, and understand the way they would understand. Think beyond what meets the eye, but keep yourself grounded in the present situation. Let justice and truth manifest in your tongue in a way that brotherly love does not get overshadowed.

Some final thoughts

I believe that the rewards of watching your words will forever remain priceless. With mindfulness, we are introduced to an array of choices and deliberation–we are given the chance to effectively examine what is the right action and when is the right time. With compassion and liberation, we become peacemakers and are less likely to regret things in life. By exerting careful thoughts about our communicative methods, our words become seeds of hope planted in different soil types, which soon shall bloom into unique flowers and bear fruits of healing. Instead of just getting all the tangled sentiments off our chests, it would be best to make ourselves an instrument of freedom and growth, for the welfare of other people.

Know that guarding your mouth is guarding your heart too. Moments where we snap and lose our cool can only worsen the situation at hand, and in the process could badly hurt not only other individuals, but also ourselves. We must practice controlling our impulses and sensing the abstract ties, so we may all soon recognize that the key to mindful speaking is empathy.

In time, words of kindness and respect shall provide every person access to self-actualization. Let this be a reminder to all of us, that “everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."

Guard your mouth, and stay awesome.

#guardyourmouth #guardyourheart #mindfulspeaking